Both Sides Now
by willgirl
Summary: Songfic inspired by Both Sides Now, a fantastic Joni Mitchell song. Brennan's thoughts about life. Related to my other fic Four Years.


**A/N: So I was inspired by listening to Joni Mitchell's song, Both Sides Now while writing the new chapter of my fic, Four Years and this song fic just came out. I hope you enjoy. It can be read either in relation to Four Years or as a standalone.**

**Both Sides Now**

**Rows and flows of angel hair  
And ice cream castles in the air  
And feather canyons everywhere  
I've looked at ****clouds**** that way  
**

She could almost taste the saltwater and feel the sand between her toes. The memory was so vivid, they were at the beach, her, mom, dad and Russ. She was seven and had been building an elaborate sandcastle while Russ and her dad played in the ocean. Some kids had run by, and part of her sandcastle had gotten ruined. She started to cry and her mom was by her side in an instant, pulling her into her lap, kissing her forehead and stroking her hair. And she made it all better.

**But now they only block the sun  
They rain and snow on everyone  
So many things I would have done  
But clouds got in my way**

**I've looked at clouds from both sides now  
From up and down, and still somehow  
It's cloud illusions I recall  
I really don't know clouds at all**

She lay in the bed and looked around at her new room. It was the third place in nine months and it wasn't any better. Yes, this time the foster parents seemed nice, but it didn't matter. It wasn't her room, her mom, her dad. Tomorrow she would have to go to a new school. It would be like the other ones. Whispers in the hallway about how her parents left her, kids tripping her or trying to copy her homework once they found out she was smart. 

**Moons and Junes and ****Ferris wheels****  
The dizzy dancing way you feel  
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real  
I've looked at love that way**

He was the first boy she kissed. Bobby Franklin. She was seventeen and he was eighteen. He had come up to talk to her in the library although for the life of her she couldn't imagine why. They started talking and then he sat with her at lunch. After that he became friends and then one day he kissed her. Like every first kiss, it was awkward and innocent. And despite his friends, they dated until he left for college. Then he broke her heart.

**But now it's just another show  
You leave 'em laughing when you go  
And if you care, don't let them know  
Don't give yourself away  
**

He was so cocky at first, so arrogant. He spoke at her with this tone that meant that he didn't think that what she did was important enough. She soon proved him wrong and after a few false starts, they became partners. Always in each other's faces, challenging each other. Then they became friends, best friends, always there for each other when they needed it.

**  
Tears and fears and feeling proud  
To say "I love you" right out loud  
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds  
I've looked at life that way**

One day she looked at him and realized that she did in fact love him. With her whole heart. So she waited. And then one day he got the courage to ask her out. And then they were together and it was everything she wanted, everything she imagined. Her heart was full.

**  
But now old friends are acting strange  
They shake their heads, they say I've changed  
Well something's lost, but something's gained  
In living every day**

But it all changed when she got pregnant. They hadn't known how to handle it, she was so scared and even though he was excited, she could tell he was a little scared as well. She shut down then, continued on with her life. She ignored Angela's protestations and she gave him the baby. Until the end of her life, she would never forget the look of hurt he gave her when she finally told him her decision. ****

I've looked at life from both sides now  
From win and lose and still somehow  
It's life's illusions I recall  
I really don't know life at all  
I've looked at life from both sides now  
From up and down, and still somehow  
It's life's illusions I recall  
I really don't know life at all

She was hurt and she didn't know what to do. So she closed her eyes and imagined she was there back on that beach with her mother's arms wrapped around her. Kissing her head. Telling her it was okay.

And making it all better.


End file.
